And you learned in Part 2 how that can play out in someone’s life (we looked at Robin Williams).
Today, we were supposed to get into some tools and strategies you can use to untangle your True and False Selves. But while writing that post, I realized it would be useless if I didn’t first teach you what you’re up against. After all, you probably have a long list of things you know would help you if you did them. But you’re not doing them, are you?
Life as a Game
Just in case you haven’t figured it out yet, life is just a game called “Uncover Your True Self”, and how you play becomes the story of your life. You are the main character—the protaganist. To keep things interesting, there’s an antagonist called The False Self. Its job is to convince you that IT is YOU, so you won’t look for your True Self.
Your True Self and your False Self want completely different things. If you choose to listen only to your False Self, you will die without ever feeling fully alive; and you most certainly won’t live at your full potential. You’ll be like this dog that thinks she’s a cat.
My job, as I see it, is to help you understand what you’re up against, what we’re all up against, so you at least have a fighting chance.
We All Have The Same Problem
I’ve heard from a few of you about how you wear confidence on the outside but feel confused and frustrated inside. Some of you are quite successful, yet something’s missing and you aren’t sure what. For others, the smallest tasks make you feel tired and you don’t know why. One of you shared that you have lots of things on the go but you can’t focus on just one of them. Almost every one of you told me you want to feel more alive. These are all the same problem in different guises.
There Are Many Names for This Problem
As I mentioned in Part one, Steven Pressfield calls it “Resistance” and Seth Godin calls it “The Lizard Brain”. But there are other names for it. Carl Jung called it “the Shadow”. Deepak Chopra refers to it as “the Ego” or “Small Self”, and I call it the False Self. So call it whatever you want, but get that it’s always with you and influences everything you do.
It’s Always With You
When a client comes to me for help, their False Self comes with them. Similarly, you are not the only one reading this article. Your False Self is reading right along with you, and it has no interest in being worked on. It doesn’t mind learning new things, because it can turn that into a competitive shit show where you always feel either superior or inferior. But it does mind you looking directly at it, trying to figure it out, because it considers that a threat to your security. If you try to look at it, say by observing your thoughts and feelings in meditation, it will do everything it can to distract your attention and make you go do something else.
What It Wants: Consistency
Its goal is to keep everything exactly as it is now, good or bad. It doesn’t care if you’re happy or not; it just wants consistency. If you’re usually sad or sick, it will try to keep you that way. If you’re usually busy, it will freak out if you have some time to yourself. If you’re in a job and you want to start your own business, it will make you feel terrified. If you’re in a crap relationship it will urge you to stay because “it’s better than being alone.” It means well. It thinks consistency is the key to your survival, which is true with some things you learned, but not with others.
The False Self’s Many Defences
Here’s a fun exercise for you. Go through these and make a mental note of the ones your False Self likes to use. (Hint: It’ll be the ones that piss you off; you’ll be thinking “But that’s not a defence!”):
- 1. The “I’m Happy” Defence: “I’m great. My life is great. I mean, sure, my work isn’t all that fulfilling and my relationships could be better, and I worry about money and other stuff, but doesn’t everybody? Overall, I’m doing just fine.”
- 2. The “I’m Busy” Defence: “Look I have bills to pay, a business to build, stuff to do. I don’t have to time to sit around navel gazing. I’ve got responsibilities. That stuff is for people with nothing better to do.” (This one also applies to those who are so busy saving the world, they don’t have time to work on themselves.)
- 3. The “It’s Not Me, It’s You” Defence: “Sure, I have problems. But they have nothing to do with my False Self. My problems are caused by other people’s False Selves—they’re the ones who need to work on themselves.”
- 4. The “It’s Not Me, It’s The System” (Man) Defence: “Dude, the system is broken. My problems are all caused by the fact that we live in a messed up world with power-hungry asshole leaders who are pawns of big corporations. (Note: Yes, the system is broken. But the way to start fixing it is to begin with ourselves—see my post “ How to Create The World You Want to Live In”.)
- 5. The “Polyanna” Defence: “Personally, I don’t see any value in looking at old negative experiences; they’re in the past. I’m a big believer in focusing only on the good things. I think depressed people just need to chin up and focus on the positive! Oh, would you look at that beautiful rainbow over there!”
- 6. The “Self Righteous” Defence: “I have a right to my anger, selp pity, judgment, blame. People have hurt me (or my ancestors) and they need to be punished for it.”
- 7. The “I’m Too Far Gone” Defence: “Oh yeah, man, my False Self totally controls my life. Seriously, I’m so screwed up there’s no hope for me, so why even bother trying?” (My False Self used to adore this one!)
- 8. The “I’m Already Enlightened” Defence: “Oh yeah, those False Self projections are destroying our spiritual eco-system. I spent two years at an ashram in India. But at the end I saw all these mandalas in my meditation and felt so radiant; I was one with everything. I awakened! Hey, you should come to my chakra crystal healing class.” (Nothing against chakras or crystals, but here the False Self has taken on the “I’m a special spiritual person” identity, a particularly troublesome one that can lead to supposed gurus bedding all their followers because they still have inner work to do.)
Your False Self is crafty. It knows how to trick you into believing that it is you, and you are it. As long as you don’t pull back and get curious, it wins.
To step into our real power, we must untangle our True and False Selves.
…But how do you do that? That’s the next post. (Read the whole series!)
- When Shit Isn’t Working
- Why Robin Williams Killed Himself
- Why It’s So Hard to Change
- 4 Steps to Conquer Your False Self
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If you feel moved to do so, write your own experiences and thoughts in the comments below. Also, if you think this post can help even one person, share it. It may be exactly what they needed to read today.
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