“Don’t know why I feel so bad. Is it the weather, or am I going mad?”

It’s a state of confusion, the Kinks say.

You die your hair, eat some pie, start a new business (or job), have an affair (or three) and throw in a vacation—but when the distractions are gone that uncomfortable feeling is still there.

WTF?

The Other You

Say hello to your “other half”—which you’d better get to know intimately if you ever want shit to work. And I do mean anything…from your dream business to your relationships.

This “other half” of us goes by many names. Author Steven Pressfield calls it Resistance.

Seth Godin calls it the Lizard Brain (which is where it lives).

I know her as my False Self, a term created by psychoanalyst D.W. Winnicott in 1960. I’ve been dancing with her for 23 years (I’m 43, yep), learning to identify all her moves. She used to own me (when I mistakenly thought I was her). Now that I know her wily ways, she’s more like an annoying neighbour who comes over uninvited sometimes. My in-depth knowledge of her is the main reason I can help my clients untangle themselves: just call me the “true self wrangler”.

I have made it my life’s work to help you understand your False Self because she masquerades as you. And she destroys your dreams.

The Most Important Work You Can Do

While I know I can do this stuff person-to-person, I’ve been feeling frustrated because I can only help so many people that way. I want to kick it up a notch and see if I can teach you the key stuff I’ve learned—that has transformed my life and the lives of others—right here on my blog. I don’t even know how I’m going to do it yet, but I’m going to try it out and see what happens (fail forward, like my hero Seth).

Why? I believe this is the most important work on Earth right now.

Not to sound all drama queen and everything. (Though I AM the dramatic “Individualist” on the free version of the Enneagram Test, same type as web goddess Danielle Laporte. Just sayin’. )

But, really, what the fuck is more important than all of us learning how to stop letting our False Selves mess up our lives so we can thrive as our True Selves?

Don’t worry, I’m not going to break into a hymn or anything.

…and just in case you’re thinking “This post isn’t about me; I don’t have one of those ‘false self thingys’”—fuggetaboutit. If you have a pulse, you have one (unless you’re enlightened in the technical sense, which means there’s no “you”; I can get into that another time, if you’re interested).

Integration = Power

That said, you might have a much more integrated self, like Seth or Richard Branson (both of whom had encouraging parents who supported their “true selves” and taught them failure was just how you learned stuff; and Branson has dyslexia). Again, an integrated self has nothing to do with enlightenment; it just makes you more capable of actually creating what you want. Many other people who started out with less integrated selves (i.e. less or no support of their true selves during their formative years) simply did the hard work required to integrate their selves as adults: Oprah, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, etc. Their success didn’t just happen. By doing the inner work required they developed an otherworldly air to them, almost as though they’re gods. Notice that?

It’s because they are. But you are too. You know that, right? They’re just more integrated—they don’t have a war going on inside them every day, so they can focus on developing and sharing their brilliance. Which is why you’re here too.

Here’s another great quote from Seth, because he’s all about inspiring you to step up as your True Self.

“The opportunity of a lifetime is to pick yourself. Quit waiting to get picked; quit waiting for someone to give you permission; quit waiting for someone to say you are officially qualified and pick yourself. It doesn’t mean you have to be an entrepreneur or a freelancer, but it does mean you stand up and say, “I have something to say. I know how to do something. I’m doing it. If you want me to do it with you, raise your hand.”

***

Please share if you know anyone else who might like to meet their false self. If you liked this, read the rest of the posts in this in-depth series:

1. When Shit Isn’t Working
2. Why Robin Williams Killed Himself
3. Why It’s So Hard to Change
4. 4 Steps to Conquer Your False Self

And, BTW, I’ll love you forever if you take a minute to share your thoughts below… Okay, maybe not forever, but certainly for a few solid minutes.

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