We are all crammed into an apartment living room.
The other workshop attendees sit on the couch, while I sit alone at the dining room table.
As I scan the room, pretending to be deeply engaged in everything I see, I feel the familiar clenching in my chest and throat. All my thoughts and feelings are slamming into each other in a kind of mental-emotional traffic jam.
In psychology speak, this is called “Emotional Flooding”. And in this case the flavour is: “anxiety”.
Beep beep.
Danger! We have entered an unscripted social situation and we suck at that.
This is Defcon 1! I repeat: Defcon 1!
I should say something. But what should I say? No one’s talking to me. They’re probably wondering who I am and why I’m here.
Will they talk about me at future meetups as the weird woman who just showed up out of the blue and crashed their workshop?
When I saw that invite on Facebook for a free storytelling workshop, I assumed it was for everyone. But maybe I missed the subtext. Dammit. I always miss the subtext. Maybe it was just for these people, who obviously all know each other.
Beep beep.
Oh oh. What if they ask me what I do? What should I say?
I help people live their purpose and Hero’s Journey? I channel higher consciousness to get answers about your soul’s journey? I help you live your greatness?
Ugh. That sounds so…scripted.
How about: I talk to your True Self and spirit guides biotches. I AM a spirit guide. For realz. Sometimes I even channel dead relatives and they provide validation and everything. It’s crazy!
While just imagining saying any of this, I feel my chest collapsing inward, like it’s being crushed. And all the while, I am sitting there, looking insanely interested in my coffee cup, attempting a permanent half-smile, so I appear approachable.
This was way easier when I was a magazine editor. Or when I ran my children’s charity. People loved that. They thought I was The Shit! But this? This showing up as my vulnerable authentic self thing? It’s hard.
Can they handle the truth? Can I handle the truth? More important, can I handle their rejection?
Then I remember my secret tool.
No, it’s not my spirit guides, smartass. Because when I’m emotionally upset I can’t connect with them; negative emotions create static waves that make it almost impossible to receive impressions from them. Same goes for you, BTW. When you’re flooded with emotions it’s extremely difficult to connect with your True/Higher Self (which is the source of all your “gut feelings” and “intuition”).
So I use something I call “the Mentor” to step in and help me out.
Basically, the idea is to invent a character who is unfailingly loving, kind, supportive, wise and, preferably, playful and funny, and employ them to help you when you hit the superhighway of emotional flooding.
Your own personal Jesus, as Depeche Mode would say (unless you hate Depeche Mode. But that’s impossible. That’d be like hating U2. Or the Easter Bunny.)
Or perhaps you’re more of a Yoda fan.
Luke Skywalker: “I don’t believe it.”
Yoda: “That is why you fail.”
Here’s what my inner Mentor said while I was waiting for that workshop to start.
(Oh yeah, my inner Mentor swears like a sailor.)
Breathe. Relax. Be here.You know very well that if you’re obsessed with how people are perceiving you, you’re not going to be able to connect with anyone. And anyway, get over yourself, because they’re too busy thinking about their own stuff to give much thought to you.
How ’bout we celebrate? I’m proud of you for coming here. Because, just between you and me, you’ve been overly reclusive for the past year, even for you.
You were excited to learn from this person and now you’re just feeling awkward because you’re doing something new. You always feel this way in new social situations, and you always do fine.
Remember that Train the Trainer workshop where you had to sing and dance in a tutu and pretend you were Cyndi Lauper? Now that was a Defcon 1.
Or how about your first day as a college teacher, hmm? Standing in front of 30 students with your ridiculous index cards and trembling fingers?
This is a freakin’ cakewalk compared to those experiences.
The facilitator personally texted to invite you. So just breathe. You don’t have to say anything special or impress anyone.
Just be your Self.
And remember your favourite saying: “Be interested. Not interesting.”
It wouldn’t kill you to try to enjoy it, either!
(Yep, my Mentor is WAY wordier than Yoda. But then I’m a more-is-more kinda girl. …more coffee, cookies, mohitos…you get the picture.)
The Lesson
The more I use “the Mentor” voice, the more it takes on a life of its own. I’ve used it so many times now that it has set up lodging in my mind. At the workshop, it stepped in to help without me having to think about it.
Now, at first, it took a lot of effort to bring in that voice. And it felt ridiculous. But now it helps me in all sorts of situations. While I use meditation and EFT whenever I can, this tool has greatly helped me and many of my clients to keep our shit together when the mind gets flooded with unwanted emotions. And sometimes it will. That’s part of the human experience.
BTW: In the end, I wasn’t asked what I do for a living during the workshop, I learned a ton of cool tips on how to tell a story (which I’m trying out on you here!), I met some nice people, and I was able to contribute valuable (requested) feedback on how to structure the workshop in an even more powerful format.
If you liked how I wrote this story, and you’d like to learn how to tell your own stories more powerfully, I highly recommend doing a session with Martha Shandur. Who is the founder of a super-cool storytelling initiative in Toronto called: http://truestoriestoronto.com/)
And, in case you’re wondering how it all went…
After the workshop, I stepped out into the rain, put up my brand new umbrella—with fun blue butterflies all over it; yes!—and I walked along the streets of Toronto feeling light, happy and grateful (feelings that were quite foreign to me only five years ago).
The Tip
Use the power of story as a tool to help you to be victorious on your Hero’s Journey.
Yes, you are a hero on a journey. We all are.
All heroes have a trusted Mentor who guides and supports them on their difficult path. If there are no characters in your life right now who can play this role for you, invent them and install them into your mind.
After all, not only are you the hero of your own story, you’re the author and narrator; you are making up all the rules as you go. Never, ever forget this.
P.S. If you liked this post, please share it! Even better, let me know in the comments section, and/or share your own creative approaches to dealing with emotional flooding.
Rise up and shine as your Self,
Shawn xo
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LOVED THIS!!! I love love LOVE the idea of the mentor – totally going to use this, and suggest it to Networking-shy clients. Thanks!
Thank you Marsha! What can I say? Your workshop inspired me! xo