It was one of the greatest nights of my life.
One hundred people mingled together in the small room I had booked next to a large music venue.
As an introvert who has always loved helping to create a sense of community for people (but rarely do because I truly border on reclusive), knowing that I had brought all these people together and that they were now connecting, talking and laughing thrilled me. But the best part? They had all come to listen to me read from my newly launched book Help Me, Asia: Five Countries, One Mission, Learn How to Be Happy–the writing of which had been a trying, 10-year labour of love.
And it went off without a hitch. I sold about 80 books and felt unstoppable.
Until a few days later, when the Inner Tyrant (we all have one), came at me full force, determined to stop me from doing this new and therefore dangerous thing. And because I was in a particularly fragile place at the time (in the process of divorce, living hand-to-mouth with no steady source of income) I listened and agreed: “I can’t do this now. Who’s going to want to read a book about happiness by someone who’s crying every day?”
And so I shelved my dream. Even though my book was for sale on Amazon with great reviews, I did zero marketing. I just went on with my life as though I never wrote it. Dooo do do do. Nothing to see here folks.
But here’s the thing. I bet you’ve backed away from something you really wanted because you were bogged in the swamp of self doubt too. We all have. Unless you’re a sociopath self doubt is going to happen.
Almost nobody wakes up thinking “Yay, I’m going to push through some new boundaries and do new things today that will allow me to expand so I can live my purpose and potential!”
No. We wake thinking: “Shit! This is too hard. I’m never going to pull this off. How can I know for sure I’m doing the right thing? I have to learn all this new stuff. I have to keep stepping outside my comfort zone and it feels horrible. This is probably easier for everyone else. I’m just not born for this. Maybe I should stick with what’s easy and pursue my dreams on the side?!”
Know this: when you’re trying to step out of the box the world has put you in, you will hit up against your own resistance every single day.
I was talking with my good friend in Berlin on Skype last week. She’s a new entrepreneur who’s doing really cool things—launching games that promote more understanding of people in the workplace.
She did the hard part—made the game. But now she’s at that point where it’s time to pitch it. Will other people like it? Will they buy it? Self doubt is creeping in. I’m confident she’ll get out there and sell it, but my point is…this is hard stuff people. Hard for all of us. It’s not just you.
Our brain is built in such a way that it will always tell us we’re in danger if we’re doing something new. So we need to acknowledge that we all have this Voice of Doubt that has to be managed.
A few quick tips:
- First, be careful not to feel ashamed of it (or that crafty Inner Tyrant wins!). Self doubt just means you’re human.
- Second, don’t ignore it and expect it will go away—this gives it power. It will GROW into a monster if you do that.
- Third, yes I know you can railroad through it. I used to be the railroading, workaholic “no excuse, just get ‘er done” queen. But I don’t recommend it, because it usually comes back stronger and louder, literally shutting you down with a physical illness (I spent eight years recovering from an autoimmune disorder brought on by railroading through Self Doubt when I was a business magazine editor.).
Here’s the long-term solution…
Create and commit to a personalized daily routine, preferably in the morning, that helps you build your self love/self trust muscles.
As the saying goes: if you don’t have a plan, you plan to fail. (And I say this as someone who has an aversion to plans, but I keep using them anyway because there are some things we do, not because we like them, but because they’re good for us. Like drinking water. It’s boring but damn it makes you feel a lot better when you do it. You know? This is the same sort of thing.)
Here are my personal suggestions of what to include in your daily Self Doubt Mastery plan:
- Create and write down a daily morning ritual that makes you feel empowered, excited and good about yourself. Here are some things you can include:
- Read The Trailblazer’s Vow. This is a set of intentions/affirmations I say out loud every morning, because they help stop limiting beliefs from gunking me up and brush off naysaying, self-doubting parts so I can get out there, enjoy being me, and allow my purpose and potential to be expressed through me.
- Do Intentions/Visualizations. This is the core of building powerful energetic foundations for new, good things to happen in your life.
- Choose Your Uplifting Video. Go to Youtube and find one video about living your dreams, breaking through limiting beliefs and mindset, a guided meditation…anything that really resonates with you, then watch that SAME video every morning.
- Install a Mentor in Your Mind. (And have him/her say kind things to you in the morning.)
- Practice Self Celebration. Go through a mental list of how far you’ve come and all that you’ve learned. Start each item with “I’m so proud of myself for…”
- Do Physical Movement. A walk. 20 minutes of dancing to your fave music. Yoga. It really doesn’t matter, but something that gets your heart pumping and energy moving through your body.
- Drink a Green Smoothie. Begin your day with a powerful hit of nutrients. Sometimes I make a fresh smoothie in my beloved Vitamix, sometimes a Greens powder drink, and sometimes I just shove a few fistfuls of spinach and kale in my face + plus some nuts and seeds. (I personally follow that up with a sugar-laden, milkshake-like coffee, because life is all about balance!)
- Make Your Bed. This is way more important than you think. It creates a feeling of accomplishment that helps you feel good, and it’s also wonderful to crawl into a nicely made bed at the end of the day.
- Make a List…of 3 things you’re going to do that day and why they’re important to you. Even better if you can make this list the night before. You are driving your life. You need to stay on top of what you’re doing and why and where it’s taking you to build Self trust.
- Hang out with other people who are doing cool things, who will cheer you on. (Don’t be expecting support from other people who are still safely living “inside the box”, complaining about their lives but not doing anything about it! They can’t help you.)
- Join networking groups and masterminds with people already doing what you want to be doing.
- Create a dream team of friends/colleagues who are doing new and scary things that are pushing their boundaries.
- Go to events and sign up for courses that will surround you with uplifting people and ideas.
- Join networking groups and masterminds with people already doing what you want to be doing.
So, if you are struggling with self doubt (and let’s face it, if you’re doing anything new you will), stop beating yourself up, sit down and create your own personalized doubt-busting, self-supporting daily plan. Because the world needs you to share who you ARE, and to keep expanding that.
If you need extra support, drop me a line. I help trailblazers overcome self doubt and overwhelm every day, so they can get back to creating/doing the cool stuff they were born to do. Go here to learn more and book a free 15-minute convo with me if that resonates with you.
Rise up and shine as your True Self,
Shawn xo
P.S. Share your own tips on how you beat self-doubt in the comments section below or on my Facebook page. Let’s create community together! We are here to SHARE who we ARE and SUPPORT each other! ♡
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