Image By h.koppdelaney
Your heart feels like it’s being crushed.
Someone you love is pulling out of your life.
Maybe it’s because they want you to be someone you can’t be, someone you used to be. Or perhaps you want them to be someone they can’t be.
Either way, you’re done.
In the past, you would have put on your best smiley face and pretended it was all okay, to keep the peace. Sweep all that shit under the carpet.
But something inside of you has changed. Your sweeping days are over.
Why You Think It Happened: Your Story
You don’t want to have surface conversations anymore. You want to dig in and have real conversations with people who are willing to go out on that limb with you—to stand spiritually naked and say:
You’ve become aware of the energizing and draining power of energy, so you know that the people you allow into your inner circle need to be all in. You can’t allow people into that space who aren’t ready to be spiritually naked. That inner circle is prime real estate. It’s shaping your life.
And yet, you have to be careful not to judge them through all this, right?
Because, wow, are there ever are a lot of conversations unfolding in your head, where you’re defending and explaining…and maybe even lecturing.
Oh shit.
The Tricky Part: You’re a Story Spinner Too
You want so much to show them the freedom and power in understanding that all their stories originate with them. That no one is against them (and you’re certainly not against them). It’s just another story they are telling themselves. And all pain stops when we stop telling ourselves stories.
And yet here you are telling yourself a story too.
Oh yeah. Busted.
Because the pain is there, screaming at you to defend yourself, to explain yourself—to make yourself the hero, the martyr and the victim in this story. That’s what the False Self does. It protects and defends.
But all that has happened is that you were both walking on a parallel path and then those paths diverged. You’ve evolved and your energy no longer matches. That’s all.
Can You Handle the Truth?
If you do this path right, eventually all the people and things that match your False Self will fall away and all that will be left is what matches your True Self. That’s the price of transformation. And it’s probably no consolation but it’s actually a REALLY GOOD THING.
It’s how you win at the Game that is Life.
The rewards are exponential, of course—to live freely as ourselves, without competing or judging, lovingly creating wondrous experiences for ourselves and others…which you’ve surely already had a taste of or you wouldn’t be here slugging it out.
So, in the end, if we really love them, and if we are serious about living as our True Selves, then we must tear off all the facades.
We must step back from our stories about them, and about ourselves, and see that we are, in fact, the story spinners. And our False Self will always find a way to make us feel right, victimized and misunderstood.
We can’t let it win.
What We Really Want in a Friendship
Our True Self has no judgments, no opinions, no need to defend or protect itself. It does not need approval or accolades of any kind, because it doesn’t compete or compare.
The True Self’s core desire is to more deeply understand itself through growth, expansion and expression. And by extension it wishes to create a world where this is possible for everyone. Yes, it wants to create a new world where everyone feels safe to be real, to be honest about what we’re feeling instead of hiding behind smokescreens of judgement, projection or spiritual superiority (the False Self is all over that).
To be willing to say basic shit like:
“I feel sad.”
“I’m scared to show up as myself.”
“I don’t feel safe with you.”
“I don’t know how to do this, but I’m willing to try anyway.”
“I’d love it if you could listen to me without trying to fix me.”
Vulnerability. Spiritual nakedness. This is the highest path. And to do it, we need to surround ourselves with people who are at the same place on their journey. If they aren’t, we need to lovingly let them go. Because we need to heal and strengthen ourselves first before we can fully help anyone else.
Next, we need let go of everything we wanted them to let go of as well (lest we not be hyprocrites).
Let go of our own pain (our story of loss).
Let go of our own anger (our story of how things should be different).
Let go of our own expectations (that others should be on the same path as us).
Send them love and wish them well on their journey, then walk on.
I’m here walking this scary and exhilarating path with you, through the searing fire of transformation. As long as you’re willing to stop spinning stories and start being real, we can walk together.
There are millions of us rising.
My dear Freedom Fighters and Truth Warriors, remember we fight for only one thing—not for our own glory, but to transform and awaken ourselves so we can create a better world together.
I’d love to hear your story, in the comments below, of a person or thing you let go of.
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