Living your purpose requires a lot of sticking your neck out to try new things. This can be brutal if, like me, you weren’t taught that mistakes lead to learning. Too many of us learned that mistakes mean we’re bad or stupid.
I saw this when I taught college students how to write feature magazine articles. After going through the how-to process, I asked them to take their best shot at writing a 1,000-word article that would appear in a real magazine. This meant they would need to conduct at least 10 in-depth interviews. Students questioned the assignment angrily: “You can’t ask us to do this! We don’t know how! You’re expecting too much.”
Even when I found the courage to take a second shot at journalism, this time at Ryerson University at age 22, it still often took me a nauseous hour to phone someone, especially if I knew they wouldn’t want to talk to me.
“Of course you don’t know how to do this,” I told my students. “That’s why you’re here—to learn. And the way to learn is to go and do it.” Then I taught them about something that has really helped me, which I’ve come to call the “Suck Factor”.
The Suck Factor
The first few times you try to do anything new, you’re gonna suck at it—so you’ve just gotta embrace that truth and do it anyway. The first three times will probably be bad to average. But the next few will be better, and eventually you’ll rock at it.
As Malcolm Gladwell wrote in “Outliers”, it takes 10 years or 10,000 hours to mastery. But, fortunately, it only takes 3-5 times before we noticeably improve.
You’ll like this story. On my first day teaching those very same students I mentioned above, I took one look inside the room, saw 30 students and just about threw up.
And the voice wasn’t lying. I was going to suck. But I knew that was the only way I could get to live my dream to become a teacher. So I marched in there with my ridiculous cue cards and stood, visibly shaking, in front of everyone, and taught my first class ever. Terrifying.
But by the end of the year, teaching felt almost as natural as breathing. There were big challenges—that’s another story, ha—but no feeling in the world compares with going out there and doing the thing you most wanted to do. It’s like “Yeah baby! I got this!”
That’s why we need to fail more—so we can go on to experience the joy that comes with being good at something we care about.
One of my entrepreneurial heroes, Derek Sivers, is always striving to listen to his heart and do what it tells him, even when it’s hard (including selling his company, CD Baby, for millions and giving it all to charity).
You’re gonna love this video by him on “Why You Need to Fail.” It’s not short, but if you’re serious about living your purpose you need to watch it. It will change how you look at failure and make it easier for you to create a life you’re excited about.
“Change” is a verb, so take action now.
Action: Think of one thing you’d like to try that you haven’t because you’re afraid of failure. Maybe it’s a new job, a new business or even a new relationship. Now that you know about the “Suck Factor”—that you need to “fail” (i.e. experiment!) if you want to create a new exciting chapter in your Life Story—what baby step can you take toward making this thing happen?
Write it down now, luv, before you forget. Then schedule it into your calendar, because it won’t happen by itself.
