With all the shit going down in the world, I occasionally find myself worrying about where it’s all taking us.
Fortunately I know that worrying is not an efficient use of my time on Earth. But what can you do about it?
Well here’s what I’m doing. I’m using my new “Can’t/Can Framework”, which came to me during a sitting meditation, after asking for a practical tool to help me break free from useless worry. Maybe you’ll find it useful as well.
It’s really just a list that I carry around with me in my pocket. You should, of course, personalize your list to the things you worry about. This list reflects the things that I worry about. :)
The Things I Can’t and Can Control
- I can’t control what will happen in the future (or anything that has already happened in the past).
- I can control what I choose to do with my time and energy today.
- I can’t control what others envisioned or created in this world before I was born.
- I can control what I am creating in this world, by holding a higher vision of a world that works for everyone, and showing up with my whole heart to do what I can to inch toward that vision.
- I can’t control that things are always changing in the world, or know for sure how things will end up for me, the people I love and others.
- I can control how I choose to change my piece of the world, and what I choose to do for me and the people I love and others (who can benefit from my help) now.
- I can’t control if there is a World War 3. (Yes I worry about this!)
- I can control making an effort every day to heal the war inside myself, so I don’t project my unresolved issues and fears out onto others.
- I can’t control if people hate, hurt or attack each other.
- I can control if I hate, hurt or attack myself or other people, and I can stand up and support others if/when they are hurt/attacked.
- I can’t control others’ opinions, beliefs and choices.
- I can control my opinions, beliefs and choices.
- I can’t control others’ life experiences, including if they are doing things that are hurtful toward themselves and others.
- I can control my life experiences, by practicing love toward myself and others, staying centred with meditation, doing my daily intentions and visualizations + acting on them consistently; and I can help people who genuinely want help to create better life experiences by giving them deep self-understanding and tools.
- I can’t control what other people think of me or my work.
- I can control what I think of me and my work.
- I can’t control if people like and accept me as I am.
- I can control if I like and accept me as I am.
- I can’t control if other people listen to, support or believe in me.
- I can control if I listen to, support and believe in me.
- I can’t control what will happen with my health in the future (or even if there’s something I don’t like about it right now).
- I can control what I do for my health today, including exercising, drinking water, eating fresh organic food and focusing on uplifting things that move me forward.
- I can’t control what feelings arise in my body (or the feelings that arise in others), because feelings are actually superhighways of subconscious patterns of belief that need to be acknowledged and processed over time with patience, awareness and empathy.
- I can control how I react to my feelings (with awareness, presence and kindness) and how I react toward others’ feelings.
- I can’t control knowing exactly the right thing to do in every situation.
- I can control doing my best in every situation and being kind to myself about however it turns out.
- I can’t control results or outcomes.
- I can control my strategy, effort, focus and consistency.
I can confidently say, from my extensive personal experience as a professional worrier, that worrying about the big-ass list of ALL the things you can’t control won’t make the world better, and won’t make your life better. But training your mind to focus on what you can control can really help you get back to a place where you take those baby steps toward making your own life better, and also contribute to the lives of others in a way that makes this world better.
Shawn xo
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Nice meditation on the Serenity Prayer:
God, (True Self, if you prefer), grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to kn ow the difference.
It’s that last bit, the wisdom to know the difference, that you list helps me with. Thank You!
I’m so glad you found it useful Michael! And thank you for reminding me of the Serenity Prayer, which I have always loved but haven’t looked at in a while. Yeah this list is really helping me to remember the difference between the two as well. ;)